ARMEN PANDOLA
Armen Pandola won the Walnut Street Theatre’s Forrest Award for his play, Forrest: A Riot of Dreams which premiered there in 2006.
In 2012, he was commissioned to write Dino! Dean Martin at the Latin Casino, a play with music about one of America’s great entertainers; it ran at the Walnut in 2013 and is one of its highest grossing shows.
His trilogy about post-9/11 America, Terror at the While House , Devils Also Believe (A Smith Prize Finalist for Best New American Play) and Homeward Bound has been produced in Philadelphia and New York.
Armen Pandola has written reviews and articles for many online publications, including the Broad Street Review.
PRODUCED PLAYS:
The Rising
2 FEMALES, 20-30s
3 MALES, 20-50s
The Hollywood Fringe Festival 2017
A revolutionary group called The Rising is killing politicians.
A murder a minute is killing everyone else.
The Rising is committed to change by any means necessary.
It is filled with people who have had enough.
Rachel is in The Rising and on a mission to kill the Governor.
But, first, she has to learn how to use a gun.
Enter Clint.
He's a snitch or, as they use to be known, a reporter.
He’s on a mission too - to expose the Rising.
In a world that is just around the corner, The Rising is happening now!
DINO! An Evening with Dean Martin at the Latin Casino
Premiered May 1, 2013 at the Walnut Street Theatre, Philadelphia, Pa.
I Male, 40-50s
1 Piano Player
When a severe blizzard blankets the East Coast, Dino's band gets stuck out of town. Rather than disappoint his fans, Dino gives us an intimate evening of personal stories and classic songs. The man behind the legend reveals the humor, warmth and casual cool that marked his rise from his Italian-only speaking immigrant childhood to one of the biggest legends in entertainment.
THE PRINCE
2 males, 4-50s
Co-written with Bill Van Horn
Premiered January, 2010 at the Walnut Street Theatre, Philadelphia, Pa.
A politician turns to a childhood friend to defend him when he is prosecuted for corruption. “As a whole the show provides a wonderful 90 minutes of laugh out loud comedy for all in the audience. If you're looking for a fun night at the theater The Prince is your show.”
HOMEWARD BOUND
1 Female, 30s
4 Males, 20-40s
Premiered in New York, NY 2009
A group of wounded US Army vets are stuck in a hospital in Germany, waiting to be shipped back to the States. A pair of Iraqi victims of torture join them and the mixture turns combustible. They all are about to begin the greatest battle of their lives.
JUST THE SKY
1 MALE, MID-30-40s
ONE ACT
Shubin Theatre Premiere April, 2008
Suddenly, one night, a man goes berserk and kills his wife and her chiropractor. Waiting to be executed, he tells us his story.
DEVILS ALSO BELIEVE
A Smith Prize Finalist for Best New American Play
Premiered May, 2006
3 Females, 20-40s
3 Males, 20-40s
“Devil Also Believe is about the rigged beliefs that are fracturing America, dividing it as it has never been divided before. In this controversial, emotional drama, we see the effects of 9-11 on an American family as each of them are driven by their beliefs to respond to the War on Terror.”
FORREST: A RIOT OF DREAMS
Winner of the Walnut Street Theatre’s Edwin Forrest Playwriting Competition
Premiered February 2006, WST
1 Female, 20-40s
3 Males, 20-40s
“The culture war, celebrity divorce trial and media madness at the heart of Forrest make the play abundantly topical. And Forrest also resonates because of its deeper themes: ambition, jealousy and the struggle for power in relationships between men and women.”
FRIENDS FOR LIFE
4 MALES, 40s
ONE ACT
When four alumni meet to plan a 25th reunion, it turns out to be a final meeting.
TERROR AT THE WHITE HOUSE
A Stanley Drama Award Finalist
Premiered June, 2004
2 Females, 20-40s
2 Males, 20-40s
“Terror at the White House is one of those rare plays that remind you that theatre can be the soul of a society. The final confrontation of the family with the vise (and vice) of political necessity is as chilling and potent a theatrical moment as you are likely to remember. This play deserves to be seen and thought about.”
HEDDA WITHOUT WALLS
Premiered March, 2005
4 Females, 20-50s
3 Males, 20-50s
The actors in Hedda Gabler share the stage with their fictional counterparts. When the actress playing Hedda decides to kill herself on stage at the end of the play , the fun begins. Imaginative, funny, terrifying – these are some of the words used to describe Hedda Without Walls.
THE GIFT OF GIVING
Premiered December, 2004
2 Females, 20-30s
2 Males, 20-60s
A young couple, Jim and Della, struggle to make it in NYC – she’s an actor and he’s a writer. The stories of their lives become entwined with those of a sultry literary agent and a lovable curmudgeon boss – and with the stories that Jim writes. A funny, heart-warming play that takes place in the imagination of its characters and the audience.
MRS. WARREN’S e-PROFESSION
Premiered In March, 2004
2 Females, 20-50s
4 Males, 20-50s
This modern adaptation of G.B. Shaw’s classic play moves the action to the Philadelphia Main Line where Mrs. Warren has a mansion paid for with her earnings as the proprietor of an on-line porno site and “dating” service with branches all over the world.
ZELDA & SCOTT: A FOUNTAIN OF FIRE
Premiered in September, 2003
1 Female, 20-40s
1 Male, 20-40s
The story of the dreams and phantoms Zelda and Scott Fitzgerald chased over two continents and decades as he wrote the Great American novels, The Great Gatsby and Tender is the Night and dozens of the finest short stories ever written. The unknown secret is that Zelda wrote some of those stories that Scott put his name on.
PLAYS NOT YET PRODUCED:
REDEMPTION
2 MALE: FATHER, MID 60s AND SON IN HIS MID-30’s
2 FEMALE: LATE 20’s AND LATE 50’s
Berlin, 1944 – 1945. A father and son confront each other in the last days of WW II, fighting their battle for the moral high ground. Each has betrayed his ideals, and each suffers the consequences.
DARK ENERGY
2 FEMALES, 30-40s
2 MALES, 30-40s
A playwright has blackmailed a local Theatre Company into presenting his play by threatening to set off a bomb near the Theatre. Cooperating with the local police authorities, the Theatre Company puts on the play in the hopes of capturing the obviously deranged playwright. Slowly, the “play” breaks down and reality intrudes. The actors start going off “script” so the playwright detonates a bomb near the theatre – but that isn’t the end to this diabolical fun house of a play.
DEATH AND TAXES
1 Female, 30s
2 Males, 30-40s
Steve, an African-American, and Teddy, white working class, get lucky and pick up an attractive woman, Galina, at a local bar and take her back to her place. Next morning, they wake up and find her dead, murdered. Teddy wants to call the police but Steve has a history with the police that makes him want to just leave. Soon, they each begin to wonder – did the other one kill Galina or are they both victims of circumstance?
DREAMSVILLE
1 Female, mid-30s
4 Males, 30s-40s
Dreamsville is about the American Dream - to make a quick buck and live on easy street for the rest of your life. It’s about the dreams that fuel the engines of commerce and selfishness and caring and hope that make our times unique.
HOW SWEET IT IS!
2 Males, 20s-50s
1 Female, 20s
The story of The Great One, Jackie Gleason.
MUMMER MADNESS
5 MALES, 30-40s
3 FEMALES, 20-40s
Pat has a passion in life – and it’s not his lovely wife or daughter. Every year, he builds a costume and parades up Broad Street in the New Year’s Mummers Parade. Then, one year, his wife leaves him and he’s having trouble supporting her and his habit. Along comes cousin James, producer of independent films. The union of movies and mummers is an idea made in heaven, if your idea of heaven is drinking a boilermaker while watching Swan Lake. When the funding collapses and there’s no money left to finish the movie, the local mob becomes a producer. Now, more is at stake than ever before. As Joey, the local mobster explains, ‘Something happens to my money, something happens to you.”
HAMLET, PART ONE
3 MALES, 20 – 50s
2 FEMALES, 20 – 40s
HAMLET, PART ONE is the story of Hamlet and Denmark in the days just before the opening of Shakespeare’s Hamlet. Hamlet returns to Elsinore when he learns od his father’s death. The state is in an uproar. There are rumors that the late King was murdered. His brother, Claudius, has assumed control while an investigation is completed. This play is a humorous look at what happens when Hamlet attempts to take control of the government as the rightful heir to the deceased King. Mayhem and madness ensue.
A SOUTH PHILLY CHRISTMAS STORY
By ARMEN PANDOLA
Copyright © 2007 by Armen Pandola
As told to him by a person in the Witness Protection Program.
The original cause of the trouble took as long to grow as a sentence for a felony murder without parole. And at the end of that time it was worth it.
Had you lived anywhere
within TWENTY blocks of
the Mucci’s Bar and Grill you would have heard of it.
It possessed a quantity of long blonde hair,
a pair of extremely frank, deep-sea green eyes
and a laugh that rippled across the backyards
of South Philly like the sound of a cat in heat.
The name of it was Sophia Mucci;
and she was the daughter of old man Mucci,
the local loan shark.
Every night, two wooers made their way to Mucci’s:
one in a 1966 Ford Mustang
and the other in a 1960 Cadillac Eldorado.
The classic mustang was Mike Frio, a cop,
and the caddie was Johnny Two-Guns - not a cop.
But at that time they did not call him Johnny Two Guns,
for he had not yet earned the honors of a special nomenclature- His name was simply Johnny Tugunatto -
wit two t's.
It must not be supposed
that these two were the sum
of the agreeable Sophia's admirers.
Wise guys and local cops both
hung out at the long bar of the Mucci’s Bar and Grill,
just hoping to catch a glimpse of her
as she ran up the stairs to their second floor apartment.
It is said that during this time, the local parish,
Our Lady of The Royal Flush,
never had so many parishioners -
since it was known far and wide
that Sophia attended high mass at noon
every Sunday.
But of all the dime store gangsters and cops who hoped
to wed and bed Sophia (and that was the only order in which the two events could occur, given that ole man Mucci could dissect a fly with the twelve inch blade he used to cut up the tripe that was always stewin’ in a pot behind the bar),
Frio and Tugunatto - wit two t's - were far ahead,
wherefore they are to be chronicled.
Mike Frio, a young detective from Packer Park,
won the race.
He and Sophia were married one Christmas eve.
Armed, loud and inebriated
the mobsters and the cops,
laying aside their mutual hatred,
joined forces to celebrate the occasion.
The Venus Lounge was crackling
with the sound of new hundred dollar bills
being snapped onto the bar top
and the buzz of cell phones with last minute bets
on the NFL playoffs–
many of the cops making the calls
while most of the mobsters were answering them,
just a few feet away.
But when the wedding feast was at its liveliest -
the bride and groom stood poised to squash cake
in each other's faces -
there descended upon the feast, Johnny Two Guns,
smitten by jealousy, like one possessed.
"I'll give you a Christmas present,"
he yelled, shrilly, at the door,
with his .45 in one hand
and his Glock semi-automatic in the other.
Even then he had some reputation as a pretty good shot.
His first bullet cut a neat hole in Frio's right ear.
The barrel of the Glock moved an inch. Maybe more.
Who could see from under the table where we all ducked.
The next shot would have been the bride's
had not Carson,
a parking authority cop, possessed of a hand
made quick by writing parking tickets
hurled his plate of chicken Sicilian and gnocchi at Johnny, spoiling his aim. The second bullet, then,
only shattered the statue of the Madonna
that hung above the bride to keep her safe.
The guests fell out of their chairs
and jumped for their weapons.
It was considered an improper act
to shoot the bride and groom at a wedding –
and absolutely blasphemous to plug the Madonna
even if it was by mistake.
In about six seconds there were twenty or so guns
aimed in the direction of Johnny Two Guns Tugunatto -
two t's and two guns.
"I'll shoot better next time," yelled Johnny;
"and there'll be a next time."
He backed rapidly out the door.
Carson, the parking authority cop,
spurred on to attempt further exploits
by the success of his plate-throwing,
was first to reach the door -
it was the only time he had come in first in anything
-and the last.
Tugunatto's bullet from the darkness laid him low.
The law (cops) and the order (the mobsters) then swept out upon the night, calling for vengeance, because, while the slaughter of a parking authority cop wasn’t exactly an occasion for mourning in South Philly - it was definitely a misdemeanor .
But the posse failed in its vengeance.
Tugunatto was in his Eldorado and away,
shouting back curses and threats
as he made wheels into the concealing warren of side streets and avenues lined with double parkers and
more handicapped parking signs than Lourdes
that made South Philly the paradise of ticket-fixers.
It wasn’t a bad wedding
by local standards –
only one dead – and a parking authority cop at that -
and one plugged Madonna
who had a permanent hole in her blue robe -
at the exact spot where her navel should have been -
if she had one.
A week later, wine started to flow out of that exact hole -
and since then it has been consecrated as holy ground dedicated to Our Lady of the Stray Bullet,
visited by thousands each year
whose loved ones were erased in drive by shootings.
That night was the birth night of Johnny Two Guns Tugunatto - double t and double barrel.
He became the "hit man" of the South of Philly.
The rejection of his suit by Miss Mucci
turned him into a killer – well, not exactly –
he already was a killer – but now he was a famous killer.
When officers went after him for the shooting of Carson (well, the Madonna, really, for nobody mourned Carson's passing), he killed two of them, and entered upon the life of a full-time gangster. He became a marvelous shot with both hands. He started fights at the slightest provocation, then started blasting – once, while watching the parade on New Years day on the corner of Broad and Moore somebody said he looked cold – he shot him dead with the words –
Nobody says I look cold.
He was so mean, so deadly, so rapid,
so inhumanly blood- thirsty that no one got in his way –
and lived to tell the tale.
Two Guns had the deaths of eighteen men on his head.
He never had mercy on the object of his displeasure – once he shot a priest who merely smiled at him.
Yet at this and every holiday season
it is well to give each one credit, if it can be done,
for whatever speck of good he may have possessed.
If Johnny Two Guns ever did a kindly act or felt a throb of generosity in his heart it was once at such a time and season, and this is the way it happened.
One who has been crossed in love should never breathe
the odor of cloves of garlic.
It stirs the memory to a dangerous degree.
One December five years later
in the Mucci Bar and Grill,
ole lady Mucci was cutting garlic for the festival of the fishes to be held on Christmas Eve.
In strolled Johnny Two Guns and a companion –
Freddie Frick.
As soon as Johnny smelled the garlic,
he turned to Freddie and said:
"I don't know what I've been thinking about,
to have forgot all about a Christmas present I gotta give.
I'm gonna come back here tomorrow night and
shoot Frio in his own fada-in-law’s place.
He got my girl -- Sophia wudda had me
if he hadn't cut into the game.
I wonder why I happened to overlook it up to now?"
"Maybe the drugs, Johnny," said Freddie,
"anyway - don't talk foolishness.
You know you can't get witin a mile of Mucci's Bar and Grill to-mara night.
It’ll be Christmas Eve and there’s always a party
for all the locals – and the kids - and there’s sure to be a million cops on hand for Frio’s weddin anniversary –
it’s their fifth.
"I'm going," repeated Tugunatto, without heat,
"to go to Mucci's Christmas party, and kill Frio. I shouldda done it a long time ago. Why, Freddie, just last night
I dreamed me and Sophia was married and
I was slappin her around a bit cause dinner was late on the table, and I could see her smiling at me, and -- oh! hell, Fred, he got her cause he’s a cop and her father just wants protection.
Yes, sir, on Christmas Eve he got her,
and that's when I'll get him."
"There's other ways of committing suicide," advised Freddie.
"Why don't you go and surrender to the FBI?"
"I'll get him," said the Two Guns.
“How?”
“You’ll see.”
That Christmas Eve was one of those spring-like days
that pop up in the middle of winter.
When night came, Mucci’s was brightly lit.
In one room was a Christmas tree, hung with ten and twenty dollar bills that displayed the true spirit of the holidays.
Sophia and Frio already had a little boy named Fredo Santino Michael Frio, and dozens of local kids came to meet Santa
and get their presents from the local mob, ah, businessmen.
At nightfall Frio called aside Jimmy Free Donuts
and three other cops.
"Now, boys," said Frio, "keep your eyes open.
Walk around the block and watch the street.
All of you know ole lady Mucci saw Johnny Two Guns yesterday lurking around the bar.
I'm not afraid of his coming around,
(there were snickers at this remark)
but Sophia is. She's been afraid he'd come in on us
every Christmas Eve since we was married."
The guests had arrived and were treating themselves to tables laden with bacala, calamari, shrimp, clams and spaghetti, mussels, smelts and lobster (it was a good year - the Fed had just raised the prime interest rate and since ole man Mucci’s vig on the loans he had outstanding was tied to the prime rate – it was exactly 122 times prime – the future looked bright).
The evening went along pleasantly.
The guests enjoyed and praised Mucci's excellent fish dishes, and afterward the men scattered in groups about the rooms or on the outside porch that curved around two sides of the building, smoking and chatting.
The Christmas tree, of course, delighted the youngsters,
and above all they were cheered when Santa Claus himself
in magnificent white beard and furs
appeared and began to distribute the toys.
"It's my daddy," announced Al Capone Soncini, aged six.
"I've seen him wear that Santa outfit before."
Captain Belchy, an old friend of Frio’s,
stopped Sophia as she was passing by him on the porch, where he was sitting and smoking.
"Well, Mrs. Frio," said he,
"I suppose by this Christmas you've gotten over being afraid of that fellow Tugunatto, haven't you?
Mike and me have talked about it, you know."
"Very nearly," said Sophia, smiling,
"but I am still nervous sometimes.
I’ll never forget that awful time
when he came so near to killing us."
"He's the most cold-hearted mobster
- in South Philly – we’d all be better off if he was dead and buried" said Belchy.
"He has committed awful crimes," said Sophia,
“but -- I -- don't -- know.
I think there is a spot of good somewhere in everybody.
He was not always bad -- that I know.
There was a time when I loved him –
and you can’t really hate anyone you once loved –
not if you really loved them, can you? No, Johnny is no friend of ours – but this Christmas Eve, wherever he is, I wish him a warm shoulder to lie his head on and a soft hand to smooth his troubled brow."
Sophia turned into the hallway between the rooms.
Santa Claus, in muffling whiskers and furs,
was just coming through.
"Ho, ho, ho - I heard what you said through the window,
Mrs. Frio," he said.
"I was just going into my bag for a Christmas present
for your husband.
But I've left one for you, instead.
It's in the room to your right."
"Oh, thank you, Santa Claus," said Sophia, brightly.
Sophia went into the room, while Santa Claus stepped into the cooler air of the yard. She found no one in the room but her husband, Mike.
"Where is my present that Santa said he left for me in here?" she asked.
"Haven't seen anything in the way of a present,"
said her husband, laughing,
"unless he could have meant me."
The next day Elliot Ness Bucca, the chief of the local FBI’s Organized Crime Strike Force, called his boss in Washington.
"Well, Johnny Tugunatto alias Two Guns
got his dose of lead at last," he said.
"That so? How'd it happen?"
"A Wawa security guard did it! --
think of it! Johnny Two Guns killed by
a convenience store security guard!
It seems Tugunatto walked into the Wawa on South Street about twelve o'clock last night for a pack of Camels
when two guys come in to rob the place.
The guard had a little holiday cheer in him
so he panics and starts blasting away –
he shoots Two Guns by mistake.
Funniest part of it was that
Johnny was all dressed up with white whiskers and
a regular Santa Claus rig-out from head to foot.
Can you imagine it- Johnny Two Guns playing Santa!
Who woulda believed it?!"